It’s a bit embarrassing to admit, but the other day I gave in to curiosity and watched the teen vampire flick, Twilight. To summarize my thoughts, it was pretty terrible.
Unless you’re a 13 year old girl who’s in love with the eyebrow monster vampire, Robert Pattinson, I think you’ll find it pretty hard to sit through the film’s brooding, juvenile tone. But judging from its success at the box office, I guess that’s exactly what its viewers are asking for.
You see, I remember growing up with awesome movies like Robocop and Total Recall - masterpieces of storytelling and violence. Sure, they were a little light in the romance department, but when you have explosions and gunfire in almost every single frame, you’re hardly going to miss it! But I digress…
Regarding the plot in Twilight, very little happens; it feels rather like a filler episode from some weekly teen melodrama series:
Basically, a girl meets a guy, someone gets angry, and then the credits start rolling. After they’ve done about five of these films, I think it’ll make a lot more sense to just queue up all the movie trailers and watch them in sequence. Seriously, they just didn’t deliver enough of anything in this film!
Acting wise, it’s a mixed bag. Robert Pattinson, with his British heritage, offers a bit of depth and mystery to his character, but unfortunately he’s tied to a silly script that makes him seem suspiciously homosexual, and perhaps partially retarded.
Kirsten Stewart in comparison, downright butchers her lines. Couldn’t we just have our vampire fall in love with a sexy blood producing comatose patient? I mean, what does a 100 year old man have in common with a high school girl, anyway? His ‘need’ for her seems highly contrived and unrealistic.
Despite my personal disdain for Kristen Stewart’s acting, I’m sure some misguided fan will post a video collage of her ‘best moments’ on Youtube. In fact, I’ve already seen some of this crap the other day. I don’t know what I find more hilarious: Kirsten Stewart’s attempt at acting, or her fan’s warped perception of her abilities.
So is there anything that I like about Twilight?
Well, Kristin Stewart is pretty cute – I have no problems admitting that. She’s attractive in an unconventional way. She’s hot, but doesn’t really act like she’s hot. But yet she knows full well that she’s hot. And that brings out a subtle hotness in her, if you get what I’m saying. But from a sober perspective I think her hotness is probably more rooted to her youth and unblemished looks than to anything else. Regardless, I’ll settle for whatever I can take away from this film, even if it’s just the confirmation that I won’t be seeing the sequel. Well, unless Kristen Stewart gets naked or something…
Twilight gets a 3/10.
